Some Observations

Southern Rail have announced, with much pomp and ceremony, that they will be running two trains per hour from my neck of the woods up to London.

This, as they are keen to tell us, is as a result of a year-long consultation exercise and detailed "surveys" of passenger usage throughout the day.

Wow. Here was me thinking any mug could have told them that their trains were half-empty during the middle of the day, and during the rush hour commute after two stops you are doing some kind of vertical spooning with your fellow passengers. I suspect that the cost of this might not have been quite so spectacular had third party consultants not been involved.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so negative. It's about time the commuters (who comprise the largest captive audience of dependable cash for the railway franchises) got something out of Southern. We've put up with the "new" trains that are riddled with design flaws and break more easily than a politician's promise. We are now used to the flat refusal of compensation for season ticket holders, being presented with the "discount calculation" instead ("Well hey! Look at that. We've worked out our punctuality targets and whaddya know? - we don't have to compensate any of you for delays again this year!").

So perhaps it is encouraging that they seem to have finally shed themselves of the Labour-induced delusion that "less is more efficient". We've had that from the rail companies: running less trains is more efficient. We can see it with the Health Service; running less hospitals is more efficient. There's even been a case in Portsmouth where a fire station is closing, not because of cuts . . . because of efficiency!

I'm not a town planner, but I think that when it was first built in the middle of Portsmouth years ago, the planners probably took a little more care than donning a blindfold and sticking a pin in a map. If the closure goes ahead, and yo uhappen to live in an area not near the two remaining stations at the far North and South of the city . . . then frankly you will probably have to have ago yourself with a hosepipe or soda syphon until a tender arrives.

Same with the hospitals; if once region X was served by 10 hospitals, Labour seem to think that efficiency will positively skyrocket if they close half of them (starting with the ones in Tory councils).

The only efficiency I can see is that you can expect more people to die en route to more distant hospitals, or arrive beyond the point they can be effectively helped. Therefore you can expect the remaining hospitals to run at capacity as it costs money to treat sick people, after all. Especially the old ones who, frankly, have finished being useful tax contributors and are just bein a burden on the system. Better hurry up and die, is the New labour message.

In fact, if they hadn't screwed the economy so badly that the retirement age will probably be 114 by the time they are booted out of government, Smirkin' Gordon's ideal retirement present to all eligible citizens would probably be this:

Forget your pocket watch or carriage clock, here's your quick double-tap from HM Government, stop spongeing off our expenses allowance. How's an MP expected to pay for a second luxury London flat with your money when your Gran is wasting it all on life support, eh?

Anyway . . . as I know you're all morbidly keen - here's what my legs look like:

The redness is actually the sterile stuff they swab on the operation site, but yes, when I woke up I did think for a second I had been in some sort of bizarre tanning bed accident.

Always reassuring to know your surgeon has a permanent black pen so he knows where to cut! As you can see, the knee is a tad swollen compared to the other one.