I notice from the Guardian that "Jamie's School Dinners" are failing to win acceptance.

Interesting use of language. Perhaps they're just using that specifically because we're all familiar with the crusade he's been on. Perhaps not, as I've seen other disparagements in other papers too.

Now I've had my problems with Oliver in the past. Those bloody Sainsbury ads. Toploader being ejected from their well-deserved obscurity to the point that inane tune was playing every five fucking minutes . . .

However, I agree with him about the schools dinner issues. I also admire the way he paraded the utter uselessness of Labour MPs in front of the camera and forced the Prime Minister himself to actually stump up some cash instead of endlessly waffling for press soundbites.

I also don't recall the likes of the other sleb-whore chefs putting their house on the line to help underprivileged kids, or any other charity (other than their bank account) not by donating piles of cash into the dependency roundabout, but by teaching them a skill.

So, let's fiddle with the wording on this headline a little.

"Schoolkids Would Rather Shovel Mechanically-recovered Crap Into Their Gullets"

"Cheapest Bidder and Zero Nutritional Value Wins the Day"

"Mums Happy to See Their Obese Kids Turn Their Livers to Puree in Front of Playstations"

I think it was Irish who pointed out that people were moaning about the problems with Northern Rock as they were being loaned greater sums than they could afford to pay, then complaining again when banks tightened policies and they couldn't get their extravagantly large mortgages anymore.

Can't have it both ways.

So those complaining about the "Nanny State" and control over their kid's diets had better step up to the plate and provide a better alternative . . . instead they're letting "Darling Dudley" cram yet more refined sugar, lard and additives into his piehole as it's less bother than making him eat some chlorophyll.

I know it can be hard. I was a fussy eater too at that age. But back then I wasn't prey to mass advertising being insidiously squirted into schools by junk-food companies who want to ease the burden of meal costs in return for say, a small vendning machine. Perhaps a dedicated counter? Would it be too much bother to re-write a few lines of a science book to down-play the effects of cholesterol and excess fat on the human body?

It's happened in the US already, don't think our MPs are so incorruptible they can't be bought on this too. Even in a Secondary here in the UK (whose hall a fencing club were using), advert banners for soft drinks and that plasticised cheese were dangling in the canteen. Fast Food has big bucks they want to wave in front of government, all they have to do is wait until the noise dies down and they're in.

But it's so much easier to blame Jamie Oliver, isn't it? His outlandish position that, as we eat every day, we should perhaps choose something a little better than a meal prepared from flavoured sludge at 15p per person. Doesn't it just chime with common sense that the little darlings will thrive on crisps, chocolate and deep-fried snacks?

I can't forget those two overweight, zit-freckled mothers peddling snack foods to the kids through the bars of the school gate in "protest". They knew best, apparently. I see the same from Mothers pushing prams (smokers, please turn away now), puffing away on their ciggies, blithely unaware that their precious little darling will likely develop asthma on their secondary thirty-a-week-habit, and at the very least go to school each day completely unaware everything he/she wears smells like a stale ashtray.

Want to know the best way to stop exercising? Asphyxia. Plus every cold turning into a full-on lung-clogging chest infection and a quick trip to casualty for a ride on the nebuliser. Nothing says "I love you" more than a fingerclip to measure blood oxygen and social ostracism from your peers for being fat and smelly.

Been there.

Aforementioned Mum (or Dad too, let's not be sexist) will then drop their fag end on the ground, possibly in the mound of other fag-ends left by countless other smokers who enjoy special immunity laws from littering than the rest of us.

Ooh, no, don't tell us what to do. We know best.

So. If 'Jamie's' School Dinners fail, it will be because schools don't have enough money; the government would rather waste millions on botching healthcare than preventing a potential health risk amongst kids; they'd rather suck a big, fat, lard-dripping company kick-back cock in return for a private sector contract; parents lack the will or motivation to educate their children and - guess what - the kids themselves aren't always the best judge of what's good for them.

Yet the papers will take delicious glee in pointing out this failure and laying it on Oliver's doorstep. To which he would be fully justified in foisting another crap band into the public media.