Thank you to everyone who gave my meme a go. As it's only fair, I'll post my repsonses, and I'll also try and include responses to all the extra questions those who gave it a go added at the end. Fortunately for me the viral capacity of this had about the same effect as the government's predictions about bird flu (i.e. fizzled out entirely once more interesting news turned up!).

1. The popular choice would be Blair or Bush, however as this demands a certain dramatic irony, I'd select Geoff Hoon.

2. Then I could whisper "Hey Geoff, if you hadn't screwed the MOD so badly, theremight have been some body armour spare to save you".

3. Anyone attempting to foist themselves on the media by apparing in a "reality" show.

4. Leave them locked/marooned in the house, island or whatever. Stay glued to the TV as murder and cannibalism start to become their only options. Now that's what I call entertainment.

5. Learn to queue. Period.

6. Has to be stinkymilk, really - performed on some rich student twat's pimped Escort as he thought it was fun to burn around Uni flats (with many international families and their kids playing everywhere) at 40mph in reverse.

Although the " Soreen Malt Loaf Fake Turd" gets an honourable mention.

7. Hate to be unimaginative, but I think this is a rare opportunity to work through those deep, personal issues with some old-fashioned elbow-grease and some 2x4 with a nail in one end. Start on the feet and hands, work upwards along the extremities until you get to the trunk. Save the head for last.

8. I would replace all our product images on the website with porn. It would probably triple income, though.

9. It's very tempting . . . but I'd refuse. I came across a very nice comment from Kaym82 that memory lane is "full of muggers, psychopaths and rabid dogs". What's happened is what I am now, so best make the most of it I reckons.

10a. (from KarenF) Whose pet would you most like to squash? I'd like to flatten Keith Harris' Orville, but only if he's got an arm up its bum at the time.

10b. (from Graeme Phillips - and boy, I'm impressed at the Dark Side showing there, young Padawan) Which addition to you like to pursue in blog land? Difficult - I think the web's got smut pretty well covered ("I have a cause - Obscenity. I'm for it" - Tom Lehrer) . . . so perhaps we need scratch 'n' sniff screen technology for the coke addicts. That way you can get high in the privacy of your own room, the price would tumble, and we wouldn't be bored rigid by the trials and tribulations of people like Kate Moss.

10c. (from Ros - who is far too nice a person to be doing this meme)Why is this meme so evil? 'Cause it's me, of course. In the words of Bill Hicks: "I don't mean to sound hollow and bitter, but I am - so that's the way it comes out".

10d. (from Subville)Are we nearly there yet? Yes, we are well on course for self-destruction - hold on to your hats.

10e. (from Shaz)"Why won't the sheeple wake up and smell the cowshit? I think it's because they've all been brainwashed to think it tastes good. Celebrity sheeple love cowshit and so should they. Saying cowshit tastes bad makes you unpatriotic and a crusty-anarcho-terrorist who wants evil dictators in power, and not the fine purveyors of cowshit!

And that's yer lot.